Andrew "Boner" Koenig Missing

In light of the disappearance of Growing Pains Andrew "Boner" Koenig, I thought some possible [albeit crude] headlines would be appropriate:

• Boner limps into local police station


• Boner found at Viagra factory


• Boner’s ego stroked by cloaked hands of nefarious criminal organization


• Boner given until Noon to turn himself in to local authorities


• Unsatisfied Boner left in painful situation


• Boner, discouraged, lent a helping hand by curious stranger


• Boner, relieved of duty, goes on sabbatical


• After years of self-torture, Boner finds relief in new relationship


• Boner seen emerging from cave before found napping in train station


• "Hard headed but sensitive" says ex-girlfriend of Boner


• Personal trainer describes a "big and powerful" Boner that others envied


• Said to have "gotten into some pretty dark places", Boner comes up missing


• "Playfulness misunderstood by many women" say Boner's friends

And let us not forget that Koenig translates as King:

• "[Andrew] Koenig Boner found at local Big & Tall shopping for a rain coat factory in Clitsville, MT"